also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
