then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
