I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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