Its about making memories worth repressing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
