she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
