I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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