One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
