hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
