Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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