I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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