I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize