U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
