i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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