Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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