You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
