Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
