Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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