Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
