Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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