Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
