I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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