when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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