How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize