Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
