may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
