i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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