He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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