I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
