you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
