Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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