Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
