Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
