I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...