if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.