Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke