his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.