I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.