PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.