My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
