that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.