if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
