Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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