Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
