I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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