i need an iv and a liver transplant
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
