And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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