Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think i have two assholes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
