Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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