in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
