Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
