I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
