if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
