did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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