Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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