What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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