Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
