Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
