Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
