i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
