i think i have herpe
just one?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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