the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
