he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
