Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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