I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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