Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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