Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
