Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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