I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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