he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
