and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
