I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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