I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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