so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
