I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
from now on my penis is your penis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
