I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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