You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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