how can u be prego again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
