"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
