i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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