I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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