i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
