i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
