don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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