you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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