She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Randomize
