i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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